Honey I'm Home - Revision history

Gabemcelwain at 19:07, 3 March 2007

2007-03-03T19:07:58Z

Gabemcelwain: /* Reflections Some Months Afterwards */

2006-10-27T15:37:28Z

‎Reflections Some Months Afterwards

Gabemcelwain: /* Reflections Some Months Afterwards */

2006-10-27T15:35:47Z

‎Reflections Some Months Afterwards

Gabemcelwain: /* Author's Comments */

2006-10-27T15:35:18Z

‎Author's Comments

Gabemcelwain: /* Lyrics */

2006-09-19T05:23:52Z

‎Lyrics

Gabemcelwain at 16:30, 10 September 2006

2006-09-10T16:30:50Z

Gabemcelwain at 21:41, 8 September 2006

2006-09-08T21:41:08Z

Gabemcelwain at 19:58, 8 September 2006

2006-09-08T19:58:35Z

Gabemcelwain at 19:37, 8 September 2006

2006-09-08T19:37:59Z

New page

[[Category:Songs]]

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 [[Category:Songs]]
 [[Image:stonyisland.jpg|thumb|Stony Island Avenue at 63rd Street, 1946]]
 [[Media:honeydemo1.mp3|Honey I'm Home - MP3]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:37, 27 October 2006
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	I am thinking about just removing the second verse. Maybe trying to streamline the bridge somehow? I think the refrain on this song is as good as anything I've ever done, but I think the rest of the song is really weighing it down.		I am thinking about just removing the second verse. Maybe trying to streamline the bridge somehow? I think the refrain on this song is as good as anything I've ever done, but I think the rest of the song is really weighing it down.
		+
		+	I like to think that the addition of some other parts and a good arrangement could add dynamics and momentum, but that's going to be a cosmetic solution, at best. I'd rather get to the root of the problem.

	[[User:Gabemcelwain\|Gabemcelwain]] 08:35, 27 October 2006 (PDT)		[[User:Gabemcelwain\|Gabemcelwain]] 08:35, 27 October 2006 (PDT)

@@ Line 101: / Line 101: @@
 #No momentum
-I am thinking about just removing out the second verse.  Maybe trying to streamline the bridge somehow?  I think the refrain on this song is as good as anything I've ever done, but I think the rest of the song is really weighing it down.
+I am thinking about just removing the second verse.  Maybe trying to streamline the bridge somehow?  I think the refrain on this song is as good as anything I've ever done, but I think the rest of the song is really weighing it down.
 [[User:Gabemcelwain|Gabemcelwain]] 08:35, 27 October 2006 (PDT)

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:35, 27 October 2006
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	#Should I opt for a more tender, natural singing style?		#Should I opt for a more tender, natural singing style?
	#I should just learn to play piano, shouldn't I?		#I should just learn to play piano, shouldn't I?
		+
		+	== Reflections Some Months Afterwards ==
		+	So numerous people have told me that they just can't get into this song. Complaints I've had include the following:
		+	#Aimless
		+	#Meandering
		+	#Too long
		+	#Structure is confusing
		+	#No momentum
		+
		+	I am thinking about just removing out the second verse. Maybe trying to streamline the bridge somehow? I think the refrain on this song is as good as anything I've ever done, but I think the rest of the song is really weighing it down.
		+
		+	[[User:Gabemcelwain\|Gabemcelwain]] 08:35, 27 October 2006 (PDT)

@@ Line 29: / Line 29: @@
 every morning i pry myself out of bed
 try to let you sleep, but i can't help it when
-the faucet squeaks and the shower thunders its reverie
+the faucet squeaks and the shower thunders its reveille
 the razor scrapes my face
 the mirror rebukes me incrementally

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:41, 8 September 2006
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	[[Category:Songs]]		[[Category:Songs]]
		+	[[Image:OzHar.jpg\|thumb\|Ozzie & Harriet]]
	[[Media:honeydemo1.mp3\|Honey I'm Home - MP3]]		[[Media:honeydemo1.mp3\|Honey I'm Home - MP3]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:58, 8 September 2006
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	[[Category:Songs]]		[[Category:Songs]]
		+	[[Media:honeydemo1.mp3\|Honey I'm Home - MP3]]
		+
		+	== Lyrics ==
		+	<pre>
		+
		+	every night i walk home from the factory
		+	and sing a song about the things i see
		+	i see bottles exploded against the curb in a spray of glass
		+	i watch the water getting sick
		+	on its way down the walls of the underpass
		+
		+	with the weather or traffic the verses change
		+	you can kick across a city block a lot of ways
		+	but every night i knock my boots on the same spot against the same stoop
		+	hang my hat, wash my hands, and i say
		+
		+	honey i'm home
		+	how was your day?
		+	i brought you what i could and put the rest away
		+	i've been sweating through the clothes you sewed
		+	and doing everything i'm told
		+	and counting every penny that we've saved
		+	i'm not in it for the money
		+	i just go so i can keep on coming home
		+	to you my love
		+
		+	every morning i pry myself out of bed
		+	try to let you sleep, but i can't help it when
		+	the faucet squeaks and the shower thunders its reverie
		+	the razor scrapes my face
		+	the mirror rebukes me incrementally
		+
		+	by the time i'm strapped into my overalls
		+	i hear you out in the kitchen at the end of the hall
		+	packing up a lunch that would have made my mother proud
		+	you exchange it for a kiss as i merge with the crowd
		+
		+	for another long day away from my baby
		+	lately it's been more than i can take
		+	stand on the line
		+	take the bits on my right
		+	fit them tightly
		+	one at a time
		+	string the hours together and watch them slide by
		+
		+	until the sun spills
		+	the horizon across
		+	stony island avenue
		+	i don't mind havin' to
		+	sing and haven't you
		+	ever sung while you're running by honey i'm
		+
		+	home
		+	how was your day?
		+	i brought you what i could and put the rest away
		+	i've been counting down and keeping track
		+	of course you'll want to check the math
		+	but i figure that no shift can last forever
		+	one of these days they'll blow the whistle
		+	you can meet me at the gate don't wait
		+	for me to make that last walk back alone
		+
		+	i will sweep you off your feet and keep
		+	the promise that i made to sing
		+	the verse that brings
		+	the two of us at last to the refrain
		+
		+	honey i'm home
		+	</pre>
		+
		+	== Music ==
		+	===Chords===
		+	This song is in Db major, and it's got the most chords of anything I've ever written. By far. I'll post them up here soon.
		+	===Structure===
		+	A A' B A A' C B' B''
		+
		+	== Author's Comments ==
		+	I've been in labor with this song for something like a year and a half. There are some things about it I like, but I can hardly hear it anymore. Of the jazzy/early-American-popular-music-inspired numbers I've worked on, this is the epic.
		+
		+	I'm not completely sold on all the lyrics, though some I quite like. I rewrote the second verse since the first time I debuted this at a corporeal songwriting group ages ago, at, I think, Deirdre's suggestion.
		+
		+	This recording is far from complete (I want to add bass and drums, and some sort of instrumental outro (ideally trumpet, probably cheap keyboard trumpet for this demo).
		+
		+	I am not sure what the tone of the vocal should be, either. I tried to sing this with kind of a "stage" voice (as much as I am able), because this is one of the more overtly theatrical songs I've done. This song is also kind of tangentially about what it means to be a man, so I've tried to sing in a more manly way than I might on say, a glam song.
		+
		+	Questions:
		+	#Does the entrance into the bridge work for you?
		+	#Does the end of the bridge work for you? I was aiming for something specific and I think I managed it, but it's been so long, I can't tell if that's a good thing or not.
		+	#How should I arrange this monster to keep it excited despite its unfortunate length?
		+	#Should I opt for a more tender, natural singing style?
		+	#I should just learn to play piano, shouldn't I?