Mama Didn't Give Whoopins

Mama Didn't Give Whoopins (poor demo) - MP3

Lyrics

mama di'n't give whoopins
she'd say that's what daddy's for
and she'd make sure that i learned it
on the nights i'd gone and earned it
she'd have me wait by the door

she'd have me hold whichever belt 
he hadn't worn to work so i 
could feel the leather up against my skin
she'd show me where to stand so he
would see me and the belt and know 
exactly what to do when he came in

mamma di'n't give whoopins
she'd say that was daddy's job
i would watch that door and wait
and pray that he was working late
keep my eyes glued to the knob

i'd hear each footstep hit the ground
i'd hear him pulling his keys out 
i'd hear the wind a-whipping though the leaves
he'd open up the door and see 
me standing there and sigh and shake
his head and he'd start rolling up his sleeves

SOLO

he'd never ask me what i'd done
he'd tell me mama was the girl
he'd married and that mama deserved more  
he'd tell me not to disappoint his wife
i'd wait until he'd left 
the room before i'd get up off the floor

mama di'n't give whoopins
even when i wished she would
even if i begged and pleaded
she would get me what i needed
what she cou'dn't provide
she made sure daddy could
mama didn't give whoopins
she made sure i got it good

Music

Chords

(My guitar might be way out of tune, but there are the fingerings I was playing) Eb f Bb7 End: Eb f Bb7 g Ab Bb Eb

Structure

A B A B A(inst.) B'

Comments

Here's another country song for the pile. This one is a step down from my recent entries, I feel, and the main reason is that when I write lyrics away from the guitar they get all wordy. I wrote almost all the words here before I had a melody, so it's very lyrics-centric. Which is OK, but only if they're good, which I'm not sure they are. There's some interesting stuff in here. I like the things that are inferred about the family in question, about what their relationships with one another were like. I like that the noises the boy hears while listening sound violent to him given the context (it's probably too subtle, but I tried to do this with "hit", "pull ...out", and "a-whipping"). I like how the focus is on what the father is saying, not on what he's doing while he says it. But I don't think I've nailed this one, really. For one thing it's too gosh darn long. I should figure out what I want to say and then say it in less words than this.

An alternate last stanza, just for kicks:

mama di'n't give whoopins
she'd say just you wait until
daddy gets home and you'll get
a whoopin you won't soon forget
she was right i never will

That version conveyed some lasting effects of this treatment, which I like, but not in a very interesting way, and not in a grammatically unambiguous way. I think the one I went with gives more information and keeps the focus on the mother character, where it should be.

Also: Mini drum set! Its first appearance on the wiki, I believe.

Gabemcelwain 22:01, 4 May 2009 (PDT)

wow. well done. disturbing, but good. here's some thoughts:

• momma didn't give whoopings, great song title and subject matter.
• your words are strong. they're well thought out as always, though in a couple places i think they could trimmed a bit. particularity at the end of some of the B sections.
• the timing of the phrases in the A section is really great. very cool. i dig it.
• the solo is well placed in the narrative, it takes the place of the actual whooping. i think you could do something cool musically to play this up. maybe some clapping/smacking or something. maybe a plaintive yodel.
• the B section after the solo is great. probably by favorite part of the song, though i think the last line is a bit wordy...
• the ending doesn't seem to sit quite right with me. the last A section doesn't seem to signal the song is over. what if you took out the last A section, and instead repeated another B section? or maybe just went straight to the end of the A section. each "momma didn't give whoopings" restarts the song, it feels like we're going into a new idea, and by the time we're at the 3rd A section (or fourth counting the instrumental) it starts feeling a bit long, but then the ending is also a bit quick too. right now somehow it feels to me like the song is both a hair long, and also ends a bit abruptly. not sure that makes any sense.
• also, i think you could take some of the ideas in the last A section and put them into a slow intro that would set up the first "momma didn't give whoopings". perhaps you could list out all the things that momma did give... something about having the title of the song right at the head feels very old school to me. makes me want to hear a set up like some of the old school standards have.

good job!!! Conorl 08:54, 12 May 2009 (PDT)

thanks for all the comments, man! i think you're dead on, especially about the ending. it's always bugged me but i couldn't figure out why, and you've nailed it: it doesn't come soon enough, but then it's over too fast. i mean, it isn't really any ending. i think working in some ideas from the current ending into an intro is a good way to go, which might allow me to tie it up at the end by coming back around. i am sorely tempted to try a kind of spoken-word intro. sorely tempted.

i thought about putting in some percussion or some stops in the solo section to illustrate the action, but that would depend on the instrumentation. it might be fun, it might be lame, it'd just depend how it was implemented.

i am on the fence about the last lines in those B sections. i see what you mean, they are long, but i kind of like the way they scan and how the melody stretches out over all those notes. there's nothing i'm saying in those lines that i couldn't say in fewer words, probably, so i'll see if i can work up a version like that.

the B section after the solo is my favorite part, too. that was one of the earliest parts that came to me. i just like how the father is only relating to the son through the mother. i am not sure why, but i really like how the father refers to the mother as "his wife" when he's talking to the son. as if his relationship to her as her son isn't enough of a motivation for respect, that somehow the fact that she's his father's chosen bride should really make him think twice. i guess i just like that angle. i don't think of my mom as my dad's wife, but she is.

i'll keep cranking on this one and i hope i'll get a chance to play it for becky and get her input on it as well. maybe have her sing some harmonies over the parts where the mother is talking "that's what daddy's for", "that's your daddy's job", etc (would require a few tweaks, but might be awesome)?

Gabemcelwain 08:51, 14 May 2009 (PDT)

spoken word! that could be quite cool... Conorl 07:04, 15 May 2009 (PDT)